Wednesday, February 5

Hello sports fans, its late and i am about to go to bed, got my butt kicked in Starcraft, go figure i havent played in some time. today was ok, nothing fantastic, oh well, upstream and meeting w/ matt tomorrow. gonna be fun. going to longview this weekend, gonna have fun, tired, sleepy, back cramping from being in one position for too long, Peace out homies.

Monday, February 3

Well hey there sports fans. The Ted is having a bad day, struggling with somethings, and they're really weighing me down. I'm tired cause I'm a big stupid head and didn't get to bed until 430 this morning. I can't find my math sylabus, so i cannot check when the test is. :-( i have a test thursday and friday atleast, i found out i got a 0 out of ten on my first math quiz and i figure i got a 4 outta 10 on the one i took today. did maybe so so on my cpsc quiz. i am seriously considering uninstalling AIM, seriously considering unplugging my computer putting it in the closet and just walking away. but i dont know if i have to conviction. why is leaving so much easier than coming back, it makes me sick how fickle my mind is, i'm poisoning my own soul, walking farther away from what i want and need, into what is easy. he said his yolk was easy and his burden light, but it feels so heavy and hard sometimes... i have so much pride so much, i can do it all on my own, i'm a big boy, i wear training diapers and yet i feel i can shoulder the burden of the life and this christian walk all by myself. what did God say about the humble and the proud, i cant exactly remember but i know it goes somthing like, bad things for the prideful, good things for the humble. working the freeway table today and a guy whos name i cannot remember was talking to this girl she was catholic. she asked him if he believed (or vise versa) that works could get someone into heaven, that good works could out weigh the bad things that you've done, now that in itself is ludicrous, God said there is none righteous, no not even one. only the blood of Christ can save you, the perfect sacrifice. as i write this a startling revelation comes to me, thats what i've been trying to do, save myself by my own goodness. and i can't do it. the sad thing is i'm doing a pretty poor job of that. Well God you've certainly humbled me, and done a bang up job, i;d feel bitter i suppose except i know its better than what deserve. so now what? where do i go from here, i dont have any direction nearly, i dont know what you want me to be, where you want me to be, i dont have a vision. how can i be affective if i don't know what i'm supposed to do. and i know that you know, cause you said you did, you said you had a hope and a future for me. well the present ain't as great as i'd like, and i would love to have some hope, so what do you want me to do now? cause at this point, its follow you, or go down a road that would turn me into someone i would hate. Grace and peace to you from our God and father the Lord Jesus Christ, paul said that in ephesians, i know he was talking to the ephesians when he said it, paul didn't even know or think that i would exist, but i get the impression that you have a grasp on this whole "bible" deal and that every scripture is God breathed and capable of doing really cool things that i can;t remember right now. so i'm going to assume that the greeting extends to me aswell. So far i think that i've remembered that you have promised me grace, peace, hope, and a future. well i also remember that you want us to challenge you on that, you are faithful and true to keep that which is promised us, so be yourself and give me what i need, your grace, peace, and hope, a future would be nice, but if your saving that for a later date thats cool with me too. i know that last deal sounded a lot like a greedy child, I am only asking for what God has already given me, and abundently so, i cant get enough of the grace, peace, hope and love man, i'm a junkie, i'll do anything for a fix of that holy and perfect plan of his. God is good ya'll and you know what. I'm having a better day already. i'm going to end with something they typically say in my church. "Maranatha - Even so Lord come quickly" DANG IT FEELS GOOD TO BE SAVED!